


The Widening Gyre: Revelations

by Belladonna_Rx



Series: The Widening Gyre [1]
Category: Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:55:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4672577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belladonna_Rx/pseuds/Belladonna_Rx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Act 1 of 3:<br/>Following an alternative version of the events of X/1999, Seishirou and Subaru both survive and reach a tenuous truce with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Prologue

 

In the dark, the cherry blossoms were dancing.

Seishirou Sakurazuka stood motionless amidst those swirling petals, watching the pure white flowers become stained with ever deepening shades of pink. Though the Sakura Barrow was far from him - rooted in the earth of his usual Tokyo hunting grounds; within the space of his maboroshi, the Sakura was a solid towering presence beside him. The petals that brushed at his cheeks were as real as the body pinioned on his arm.

The eyes that stared back at him were frozen wide with shock. A thin line of blood trickled from the surprised ‘o’ of the man’s lips.

In his life, he had fashioned himself a man of the people and enjoyed a brief meteoric rise to political prominence within the eleven wards of Kyoto. His charisma and uncanny ability to cut through the bureaucracy of red tape to affect _change_ earned him a devout following from the discontent pushed to the fringes of society. All the while, spewing venom in the guise of hope-filled promises for the future.

A man like that could do a lot of damage with enough time; it was best not to allow his ambitions the chance to gain purchase on a national stage.

Before he could even release the weight on his arm, the body was already dissolving into petals.

_‘Impatient tonight, aren’t you?’_

The spirit of the Sakura sang with joy.

Now freed from the corpse, Seishirou held up that hand to observe its motion more closely. Twenty-seven bones in the human hand made possible the thousand and one mundane little activities necessary for everyday life. It had only taken 13 crushed bones in his left hand to effectively remove Seishirou from the battle over humanity’s fate.

13 bones to reduce the number of Dragons in the war to 13.

Fate had a vicious sense of humor.

He flexed his hand experimentally; first clenching into a tight fist, then uncurling, fingers fanning out as far as they could go, and back again. The movements were smooth, unhurried, and without even the slightest tremor. Time and care alone had once again made it whole. Perhaps it was because the wounds had been inflicted by a Kamui that had prevented his magic from restoring the shattered bone. All that was in his ability to do was nudge the energies into ensuring the bones set in the appropriate places to mend over time.

And then he had waited.

Errant petals fell onto the quickly cooling fluid on his open palm. He crushed them with satisfaction, then reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and lighter.

There was some lingering stiffness from being immobilized for so long, but lighting a cigarette wasn’t the fraught-filled challenge of that first cigarette out of the hospital when the bulky cast on his hand and the extremely limited range of motion it allowed was still new.

 

_In the distance, a star-shaped kekkai was lowered. Its creator stood in the center of the retreating Dragons of Earth, his heart as perplexingly whole as the kekkai itself._

_The orange glow working its way down the cigarette joined the twinkling lights of the Tokyo skyline - now broken only by the tendrils of smoke curling from the column of ash between his fingers._

_They hadn’t let him smoke while he was in the hospital. His doctor, a seasoned, but harried trauma surgeon whose skills were in unusually high demand, gave Seishirou a stern warning every day about the negative effects of smoking on the rate of wound healing before hurrying off to his next patient - one, who, no doubt, did not have the freedom and good fortune to be able to make poor life choices._

_His nurse, on the other hand, was a doting young woman who still had a fresh-from-university zeal about her. She had made it her personal mission to thwart his every attempt to sneak away for a smoke. He had briefly toyed with the idea of a sleep spell - there was nothing like falling asleep on the job to blunt the sharp edge of her thousand yard glare..._

_But after a few days, her fastidiousness made him recognize the desire for what it really was: patterns... routines... in times of crisis, people found comfort in what was ‘normal_ _’_ _; addicts reached for their drug of choice._

_However,_ he _was no addict; what he felt went beyond the simple biology of a physical craving for nicotine. He, the Sakurazukamori, at the height of his power, was lying in a hospital bed with a crushed hand at the mercy of modern human medicine, no longer a player but a mere spectator to the penultimate chapter of human history, and his idiot body was still seeking equilibrium in the solace of nicotine... as if a mere cigarette could make right all of that._

_It was utterly absurd._

_He let her dispose of the remaining cigarettes as her reward._

_He told himself the dull pressure that settled in his chest was just the withdrawal._

_It could be overcome - it was just a matter of exerting his will._

Breathing deeply, the smoke settled deep in his lungs. When he exhaled, the smoke took that specter of weight in his chest with it.

He half expected a spikey-haired teenager to snatch the cigarette from his hand again...

 

_Kamui announced his presence in style -_ _snatching Seishirou_ _’_ _s half-smoked cigarette from his hand, perpetually mocking smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, “Smoking_ _’_ _s bad for your health, you know.”_

_So smug - his side_ _’_ _s Kamui._

...But that person had fulfilled his purpose and moved on from this world. He had died without doubt, without a question in his heart; his spirit had no reason to linger in this place. Seishirou was able to finish his cigarette in peace.

There was only one Kamui now and _he_ wouldn’t be satisfied with simply stealing his cigarettes.

 

_“How is the hand?” Kamui gestured with the captured cigarette._

_“Crushed. In several places,” he admitted ruefully, “I’ve tried to heal it with my magic, but it doesn’t seem to have any effect. It looks like I’ll have to wait for it to heal on its own... It_ _’_ _s very tedious.”_

_“Then you_ _’_ _re of no use to me.”_

_He didn’t need Kamui to point it out to him. He still had his magic; ineffective as it was against the injury itself, the strength of his spells hadn’t been diminished by the physical injury... but in a face-to-face fight, he would be just as much a liability._

_“_ _Kamui-kun doesn_ _’_ _t have your finesse, but it’s a neat little victory he_ _’_ _s secured for his side. Getting me out of the way, drawing Subaru-kun truly to his cause... there are two kekkai still standing thanks to the two of them. Are you so certain you_ _’_ _ll still succeed?_ _”_

_The verbal jab was petty of him, but Kamui_ _’_ _s smile turned enigmatic._ _“‘Subaru-kun_ _’_ _, huh? You and that Dragon of Heaven have a history.”_

_It was not a question._

_“A long time ago, we made a bet. It was a trivial thing.”_

_Kamui was smiling his usual smile again, “He doesn’t seem to share your view on that. Are you still so certain you know what he Wishes for?”_

_Seishirou got the distinct impression Kamui was laughing at him._

_“What he truly Wishes for isn’t what you think it is and it_ _’_ _s something that only you can give him..._ _You don’_ _t have the faintest idea what that is, do you? So what will you do, Sakurazukamori?”_

That was a very good question. He had been so certain at the time...

 

_He was the Sakurazukamori._

_He was a Dragon of Earth._

_He lived to fulfill his purpose until the day he would no longer have to; everything he did was always toward that end... toward the Promised Day. It was coming for all of them._

_He had met both Kamui. The betrayal of the Kamui by his twin star fractured his heart. A desire to restore his former friend. A desire to protect the world in which that friend lived. A heart that divided would never be able to find the path to either end. Balanced on the razor edge of that indecision, the human world would fall. It was only a matter of time._

_For him, there was only one question left to answer - the question of his heart..._

He flicked ashes into the illusory dark. What was it his mother had said?

 

_“The greatest joy life can offer is to be killed by the one you love the most.”_

Death came for everyone; one day, it would even come for him. What face would death wear to meet him on that day? He didn’t know. But to love that person as his mother loved him... to embrace his own annihilation in the heart of another person...

No. It was impossible...

But there was something about the way she said it...

It had sounded like a promise.

 

_She had a voice like dancing wind chimes; a capricious wind sporadically brought the asynchronous melody of her words back to him..._

_...when the wind carded his hair like fingers._

_...a certain shade of red in a garden full of flowers._

_...the crisp, cold bite of a snowy winter day._

_...the way the light caught in the tears of a little boy_ _’_ _s eyes - their depths foreign, unfathomable, and so very green..._

The flame was almost at the filter; he took one last drag before dropping the cigarette, grinding it out under his heel.

In retrospect, making the bet and letting it play out the full year to its inevitable, unsatisfying end was foolishness.

 

_He wasn’t capable of love. He had known it from the start. Breaking Subaru_ _’_ _s heart... breaking Subaru_ _’_ _s arm... it was the same to him. That year hadn’t changed him at all._

_But here, at the end of all things... who else could it be?_

_Subaru, broken and beautiful, stood alone amongst humanity... his perfect opposite... the light to his shadow... feeling, loving, and hating as Seishirou himself could not... It would be fitting for the last Sakurazukamori to be killed by the last head of the Sumeragi clan..._

_There would be no love there - Seishirou had seen to that himself at the conclusion of their bet._

_But he had miscalculated, hadn’t he? Subaru, with his feeling heart so ready to bleed for another person, who felt emotions so acutely, was far too gentle..._

_‘Mother, you were wrong after all_ _...’_

_He was no more capable of loving Subaru as Subaru was of killing him in return..._

Not for the first time during these long months of his recovery, he felt a persistent pressure at the back of his mind. The Sakura did not approve of the direction of his thoughts, its petals distracting as they lapped at the blood on his hand.

_‘Greedy too... you would think I’ve been starving you all this time...’_

He hadn’t neglected his duties as its guardian, of course. The battle for humanity’s future and the destruction it rained over wide swaths of Tokyo did nothing to diminish the need for his services. The occasional killing storm of sakura petals was a welcome distraction from the interminable waiting that was prelude to the end. Who knew watching the apocalypse could be so boring?

Seishirou closed his eyes, content to follow the petals’ movements by touch alone. It was like standing under a cleansing waterfall, the Sakura’s concern washing over him, carrying away the doubt from lingering questions, still without answer...

A gentle windless breeze ruffled his hair. Light touches along his body that should have been imperceptible through the layers of his suit, up along the vulnerable skin of his neck to trace the contours of his face, brushing his lips like a lover’s...

_‘Subaru-kun...’_

****

_Subaru_ _’_ _s lips, when Seishirou kissed him, were as soft and yielding as the boy he once was. Subaru_ _’_ _s surrender wasn’t wholly unexpected given his newfound insights into Subaru_ _’_ _s heart, but he relished it all the same._

Thought coalesced into form and soared.

_He supposed he had Kamui to thank for exposing this new dimension to his favorite prey._

_Grown up Subaru was a tight-lipped enigma; one that had spent nine years all but shunning human company except that which was required as head of the Sumeragi clan. Even his actions, prone towards physical violence when it came to Seishirou, didn’t reveal any of the underlying motivations behind them._

_And then there was Kamui._

_The boy had somehow managed to bulldoze his way past the boundaries of their predestined roles as Kamui and Seal, and past Subaru_ _’_ _s reluctance to engage with other people outside of “work” to strike a genuine friendship with Subaru. A friendship that Subaru readily reciprocated, tolerating Kamui_ _’_ _s constant physical proximity and responding to Kamui_ _’_ _s blunt questioning with honest answers. Kamui was such a helpful spy in that respect. Still, he would have preferred their little heart to heart talks take place somewhere other than Subaru_ _’_ _s bedroom..._

_“The Sakurazukamori - he_ _’_ _s still out there. That day on the bridge... you just froze... he would have killed you if I hadn’t made it in time. I could have killed him... I wanted to... I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone so badly before... I would have done it. So why did you stop me?”_

_“I wondered if you would figure it out. I was hoping you wouldn’t. I wanted him to kill me.” Kamui_ _’_ _s look of surprise demanded further explanation. Seishirou readily agreed. “It doesn’t make sense to you, does it? Years ago, he almost took my life, but he didn’t. I knew he could have found me at any time after that. He_ _’_ _d put his mark on me, you see...”_

Yes. _Mine_ , Kamui-kun _,_ and don’t you forget it.

_“This is the seal that the Sakurazukamori use to mark the prey that they will kill. At first, I didn’t understand it. If he always knew where I was, why didn’t he come finish me off? I thought about it over and over then I remembered the look in his eyes. The one he had at the exact moment when he decided not to kill me. It was a look of utter scorn, as if I wasn’t even worth killing. As if I were nothing to him. That was what drove me to become stronger. I wanted to make him acknowledge my existence. If nothing else, I wanted him to feel like he had to kill me. So you see, when he raised his hand to kill me, I wasn’t_ _afraid. I was happy_ _...”_

_It seemed he was a topic of considerable discussion between them because the confusion in Kamui_ _’_ _s eyes resolved into an understanding that Seishirou couldn’t grasp._

_“Because you love him.”_

Huh... _That was not what he had expected._

The shadow of great wings tore through the sky - toward that one person bearing his mark...

 

_Love. There was that word again._

_During the year of their Bet, Seishirou had professed his “love” to Subaru a hundred times over. He was confident his performance had achieved a passable degree of verisimilitude. However, he was never certain, even at the end of that year, if he had succeeded in claiming Subaru_ _’_ _s heart. Subaru certainly never gave any indication; he was still a boy, too naïve to do anything but stammer and blush and too trusting to see it for the lie it really was._

_The first time Subaru said “I love you” to Seishirou, he was straddling Seishirou over the broken remains of his coffee table with his hands wrapped around Seishirou_ _’_ _s throat. Ten years had passed since Seishirou killed his twin sister. There was so much turmoil in his eyes and such anguish in his voice, it couldn’t be anything other than the truth._

Subaru was a lone figure clad in white at the edge of the Sumeragi estate; body held rigid, more rigid than was required for the ceremonial robes he was wearing, its fabric almost luminous against the muted grays and browns of winter. Aimlessly wandering the distant garden, focus turned entirely inward, his every movement projecting fatigue, he could have been mistaken for a ghost - some lost soul mimicking the half-remembered motions of life. There was a translucence of spirit about him – a thinness of his spiritual essence from the constant press of people and expectations that continually wore away at him and left him a pale, washed out reflection - here, but not.

 

 _The phone rang at odd intervals. He wasn’t able to discern a pattern to the calls: their times throughout the day, or, why, when they were picked up by the answering machine, some ended with the hollow click of a disconnected line and others with short, annoyingly uninformative messages. “Subaru-san. It_ _’_ _s Junichi... Please call back when you get this. It_ _’_ _s_ really _important.”_

_“Who was that?” He nipped at the soft skin near Subaru_ _’_ _s navel._

_“A cousin. He -” Subaru’s startled gasp became a moan when he soothed the tender spot with his lips and tongue “- helps me with work.”_

_It was easy enough to wrest Subaru_ _’_ _s attention away from the fax machine - to coax Subaru_ _’_ _s body, trembling from overexertion, once more to orgasm - but the furtive glances Subaru cast in its direction afterwards told him he had only managed a short-lived victory._

_Such a troublesome device to keep in his bedroom, but then Subaru always did have problems separating himself from his work._

He realized as his shikigami drew nearer that the garment was really too glossy to be Subaru’s shikifuku - his ‘working clothes’ as Hokuto had once fondly called it. No, this was a formal kimono made of the finest white silk, with the circumscribed pentagram of the Sumeragi family crest embroidered into the rich material with deep purple threads. Despite the distance from the main house, the pristinely white fabric remained unsullied, as if it, like its wearer, was impervious to all that was dark and impure in the world.

_‘But we both know that_ _’_ _s not true, don_ _’_ _t we, Subaru-kun?_ _’_

Desire flared intensely... startlingly as his mind seized on a single thought - he wanted to _dirty_ those silks.

He laughed exuberantly - his shikigami crying out in kind.

Subaru looked up, startled as the shadow of a hawk’s wings fell over him.

 

_In the end, he had always known it would be family that would finally draw Subaru away._

_“Subaru-san. This is your aunt... Your grandmother was taken to the hospital yesterday... She’s not doing well... It_ _’_ _s time for you to come home.”_

_The impact of that voice was immediate: Subaru_ _’_ _s expressive eyes became shuttered before he completely averted his gaze from Seishirou_ _’_ _s. He moved stiffly, haltingly as he withdrew from the bed and dressed. He fumbled similarly to excuse himself; the barely audible murmur of “I have to go” could very well have just been his imagination. It didn’t matter. Subaru was gone long before he reached the door._

Subaru stared transfixed at the hawk circling overhead.

He was close here - closer than he had been in weeks... close enough he could reach out and _touch_...

Seishirou traced a pentagram onto the back of his own hand.

Tokyo to Kyoto and back again was, at its fastest, a five hour trip by shinkansen. With the family matriarch hospitalized and no immediately pressing duties remaining in Tokyo, it was perfectly reasonable for Subaru to simply relocate to Kyoto. After all, wasn’t that what Subaru was trying to do when he found Seishirou sitting in his apartment at the start of the year?

 _“Om.”_ A word of power to close the distance between the mark on his hand and its distant twin.

It’s been over a month since Lady Sumeragi was allowed to continue her recuperation in her own bed on the family estate. Wasn’t that long enough to confirm the danger had passed? Subaru must have believed this to be the case. He wouldn’t be taking on faraway, easily delegated casework otherwise. He certainly wouldn’t make the trip to Tokyo, two Sunday’s in a row, just to make small talk with _Kamui_ over lunch. But then why bother returning to Kyoto at all? Why take a train that would leave him on a platform close to midnight just to sleep in his bed in Kyoto when he had one much more readily accessible in a vacant Tokyo apartment that was still in his name? Unless... that was his intention - to avoid the one place that he could assume, rightly and with certainty, Seishirou would watch.

_‘Did you really think you could escape me here?_ _’_

With a smile, he kissed the center of the star; Subaru’s hand twitched satisfactorily from the projected sensation of Seishirou’s lips against his skin. It was easy to follow the quick shutter flash of emotions that flickered across Subaru’s eyes; there was surprise there... surprise and fear that quickly gave way to understanding, acceptance and something else... A shy smile slowly emerged that was reminiscent of Subaru’s teenage self, as was the flush to his cheeks, but the glint of mischievous delight in his eyes belonged to another time - another person entirely...

Seishirou distantly felt his own body tense as his shikigami descended.

_‘What game do you think you_ _’_ _re playing?_ _’_

Subaru’s eyes didn’t waver from his shikigami’s as he slowly lifted his hand to his lips and placed a kiss in the center of Seishirou’s mark.

_/Fire flared and surged through his body./_

The moment was broken with the shrill, drawn-out cry of Subaru’s name.

He willed his shikigami to fade into the clouds.

The interloper was a teenage girl; she was waving vigorously, sending the sleeves of her furisode flying haphazardly. He cringed at the sight. Children these days - no respect for tradition.

“Subaru-san! Everyone’s waiting for you back at the house.”

As Subaru turned in the girl’s direction, he noticed she was not alone. Trailing behind her was a boy dressed formally in the western style: black dress pants, turtleneck sweater, wool coat, and polished shoes. He was older than the girl, but younger than Subaru, and had that particular brand of long-suffering fond resignation on his face that could only be brought out by family - _close_ family. The boy grumbled affectionately, “Hikari-chan...”

“But nii-chan,” the girl pouted cutely, “Subaru-san is going to be late for his own party.”

“And because it’s _his_ party, it can’t start without him. You just want to show off the furisode kaa-san let you wear...” He poked at a large embroidered plum blossom on the purple-red sleeve teasingly. In the way of all siblings, they were quickly reduced to playfully, but ineffectually, swatting at each other - mindful at all times of the garment. They sobered quickly when Subaru joined them and the three of them fell into line toward the main house. Hikari darted forward, stopping to turn and wait for Subaru, who proceeded at a sedate pace behind her. The boy - Hikari’s brother - trailed them both; his eyes made a wide sweep of the sky before they settled in a narrow-eyed squint at the space where his shikigami lingered.

Another practitioner then - a gifted one at that - to be able to sense his shikigami’s presence when it was little more than a shadow of mist on the material plane. With a sigh, he cast one last look at Subaru before dismissing his shikigami completely and returned back to his own senses. With his target eliminated and nearly the entire Sumeragi clan gathered on the family estate, it was prudent to leave Kyoto as quickly as possible, but that coiled tension in his body remained even as he sought to determine its cause.

He hadn’t actually felt the press of Subaru’s lips on his skin - the spell he had cast only allowed for physical sensation to be transmitted in one direction, from himself to Subaru. While Subaru was powerful and clever enough to turn the spell back against him, he had thoroughly safeguarded himself against such an attack. The tension in his body was simply anticipation; the unpredictable nature of Subaru’s behavior was a mystery that had left him slightly on edge. The sensation of fire - of warmth that lingered still was merely surprise at that small gesture. He could vividly recall the memory of that touch - shy but eager - and marveled at Subaru’s quiet daring. This from the boy who fled, often literally, in the face of his and Hokuto’s suggestive teasing. For Subaru to acknowledge that mark of ownership... it was practically an invitation.

The thought pleased him.

_‘Subaru-kun, do you truly understand what you_ _’_ _re offering? Do you even know_ _?’_

There was blood soaked into the cuff of his sleeve.

 _‘It’s_ _a dangerous game you’re playing - tempting me like this. You know what kind of person I am. I won_ _’_ _t revive the lies of the past. I won_ _’_ _t be kind. I won_ _’_ _t be gentle. Whether you understand these things or not -_ _I find I don_ _’_ _t care. And if some day you come to regret this, it’s also no concern of mine.’_

He would have to take care of the stain before it set into the silk and then it would have to air dry...

It seemed he would be staying for a while after all.

 _‘Subaru-kun,’_ he thought with a smile, ‘ _we have unfinished business, you and I._ _’_


	2. New Year

In the twilight hours of December 31, 1999, Subaru Sumeragi walked into his Tokyo apartment for the first time in over half a year. The last rays of light from the setting sun fell in oblique angles through the windows.

That was strange…

Hadn’t he pulled the curtains closed before he left?

There was smoke coming from his living room and an unmistakable aura of power that could only be one person. His fingers went numb – his duffle bag dropped to the floor. Memory quickly overcame surprise; showing weakness to this opponent – even a moment of it – could cost him dearly. He threw an ofuda – strengthened with magic to the hardness of steel – to his left, toward the dark figure by the sofa that cut the even line of shadow formed by his furniture. The ofuda landed with a thud somewhere to his right.

_/Deflected/_

The door slammed shut behind him with a resounding crack.

He threw himself against the adjacent wall.

Softer clicks echoed forebodingly – the sound of deadbolts locking.

There was another seal on the door – magical in nature. Masterfully concealed and woven into the threads of his own protective wards, its solidity resonated at his back. He didn’t have to look to know there would be no escape there.

The narrow entryway didn’t give him much cover. He couldn’t hear a sound over his own pulse pounding loudly in his ears. He fanned more ofuda out between clammy fingers, wrapped a protective shield around himself, and braced for a counterattack.

_Click._

Dark spots swarmed across his vision – blinding him.

Another spell?

A maboroshi?

No, he could never forget the edges of Seishirou’s maboroshi closing in around him and this wasn’t that.

It wasn’t magic…

It was just… light.

Blinking rapidly, the shadows receded from his eyes to reveal nothing more than a circle of lamplight splashed across the floor.

Strange… he really hadn’t sensed _anything…_

Cautiously, pausing to reinforce the strength of his hastily thrown together shield, he peered past the edge of the wall.

Seishirou was sitting in his living room, trench coat artfully draped on his sofa, a cigarette loosely propped between the index and middle fingers of his right hand, his left hand – splinted and heavily bandaged – rested on his lap.

“Happy New Year, Subaru–kun.”

His voice was like warm honey, and just like _that_ –

 

_He was sixteen years old._

_It was midnight in Shinjuku._

_Big arms encircled him snuggly tight from behind. A ticklish breath on his ear wished him happy new year._

_Uproarious laughter shattered the quiet moment. His sister danced circles around them, showered them with glittering confetti and gleefully began to rattle off the details of their pending wedding. It was a well tread joke; Seishirou took up his cue with practiced ease and an apologetic squeeze to Subaru’s shoulders._

_His face positively burned, but his heart swelled with so much happiness…_

_It was everything he ever could have wanted._

His chest tightened painfully at the memory.

Hokuto–chan was dead – _murdered_ – another victim of the Sakura Barrow, and to his shame, knowing Seishirou had been the one to kill her didn’t stop his breath from catching at the sight of the man.

_‘Seishirou–san…’_

He wore the false face of the kindly vet as he settled more deeply into the sofa, crossing his legs at the knee. Subaru dimly noted the checker pattern that covered Seishirou’s toes and with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he looked down…

Seishirou’s shoes were neatly lined up against the raised edge of the floor.

He spotted the ofuda he had thrown sticking out the back of a stool by the kitchenette counter. Still seated, Seishirou followed the line of Subaru’s gaze and smirked. Seishirou was far too relaxed to fight; indeed, he hadn’t sensed any magical emanations from the man at all. The spell that held the door closed, while powerful, was little more than the tripwire to a snare previously set and left to lay in wait for its unsuspecting prey.

“Aren’t you going to come in? We have so much to discuss.” There was an edge to his voice this time – not threat, but challenge.

He considered his options. Trying for the door would mean turning his back on Seishirou; leaving himself dangerously exposed. Knowing Seishirou, brute force alone wouldn’t be enough to break the spell on the door, and without knowing the specifics of the spell Seishirou cast, he doubted he would be able to undo it faster than Seishirou could cross the small distance between them. The only way left was forward – just as Seishirou had no doubt intended… but forward into what?

Maybe this was a mistake, but… he pocketed his ofuda.

He reached to undo the laces of his boots – never once taking his eyes fully off of Seishirou. Seishirou met his suspicion with curious regard. Letting his boots fall haphazardly, he approached cautiously… stopping with the coffee table and an armchair still between them. Seishirou rewarded him with a smile.

“Seishirou–san…” He gulped at the hoarseness of his own voice, “Why are you here?”

“Why?” Seishirou turned slightly toward his right – his blind side – and tapped his cigarette against an ashtray sitting on the end table. Judging from its contents, he had been there for a while. Amusement twisted his lips into a wry grin. “To give you my congratulations of course. There is still a world. You succeeded. It’s funny though… I distinctly remember you saying you didn’t have any interest in the future of the earth. I admit some curiosity as to what changed.”

 

_It was just the two of them, Sumeragi and Sakurazukamori, and this was always going to be their end._

_Concrete and steel screamed their death throes. The air was electric; as if the clash of their powers – so fundamentally opposite in nature – rent the particles of the air itself. The world was crumbling around him… and somewhere, between the dust and the cherry blossoms… the smiling face of the one he loved._

 

_“_ What were you trying to protect?”

 

_Seishirou’s eyes, even his blind one, burned with intensity._

_‘I see you,’ they said._

_Subaru’s heart fluttered with a long dormant, almost forgotten sensation…_

_When Seishirou raised his hand to strike, Subaru found himself returning Seishirou’s smile with one of his own._

 

Seishirou’s eyes narrowed. “Does dear little Kamui–kun mean so much to you?”

“What?”

Cold tendrils of panic prickled Subaru’s skin.

“What does Kamui have to do with this?”

_/Danger/_

“That’s not a denial, Subaru–kun.” Without taking his eyes off Subaru, Seishirou ground his cigarette out in the ashtray. “You don’t want to tell me? No matter.”

Seishirou stood up; his movements slow and certain as he neatly skirted the edge of the coffee table and _prowled_ toward him. “It’s quite fortuitous for us; we have some business to settle.”

Reflexively, Subaru backed away. “Is that why you’re here? To finish it?”

There were dull blades at his back.

Shelves.

His bookcase.

He was cornered.

“Careful, Subaru–kun…” Seishirou walked through Subaru’s shield like it was no more substantial than tissue paper. His smile widened and turned more predatory as he placed his broken hand almost tenderly over Subaru’s heart. Subaru eyed the damaged hand – Seishirou couldn’t possibly… could he? “A person might get the impression you’re eager to die. Isn’t that what you told your Kamui – that you Wish to be killed by me?”

Surprise rooted him to the spot. Kamui was the only person he had ever told that to… just that morning, in fact. They had been in his room at Imonoyama’s mansion… he was certain they were alone at the time… and then he left… to come here…

“You’ve been watching me.”

Seishirou laughed; it was a dark, dangerous sound. “What makes you think I ever stopped?”

Seishirou captured one of Subaru’s hands with his good one; his thumbnail dug cruelly into the back of his hand, just short of breaking the skin, and traced the star that marked him.

“Did you really think Imonoyama’s wards were powerful enough to keep me out?” Seishirou lifted Subaru’s hand and rubbed it against his cheek. The stars flared with supernatural light that highlighted Seishirou’s merciless smile. “Especially when you so courteously open the way for me from the inside.”

The stars burned.

The fire spread up his arms. He made a desperate grab for the shelf behind him with his free hand. His fingers closed around something solid…

Seishirou blocked his strike easily with his left forearm. The book he had grabbed fell to the floor with a dull thud. Then he was being spun around and slammed face-first into the wall, his arm twisted painfully behind his back.

 

_“Breaking your arm is like breaking a glass cup.”_

 

He lashed out blindly.

His legs and the elbow of his free arm found nothing but air.

“This brings back memories, doesn’t it?”

All at once, his arm was wrenched upward just shy of dislocation and fingers in his hair yanked his head backwards. He choked back a scream.

“At least you’re putting up a fight this time.” Seishirou sounded amused. His grip on Subaru’s wrist tightened hard enough to make the bones grind. “So tell me, why do you want to die at the hand of your dear sister’s murderer?”

The bookcase was too far away to reach. If he could just get a good grip on Seishirou’s injured hand in his hair, he could break free. “If you were listening, you already know.”

The world spun for a second time. His back slammed against the wall; the air knocked from his lungs.

Seishirou’s good hand wrapped around Subaru’s throat.

“Explain it to me.” There was a tone in Seishirou’s voice that Subaru had never heard before. In anyone else, he would have called it anger.

His fingers bunched the fabric at Seishirou’s wrist; but he couldn’t move the man an inch or relieve the steady pressure at his neck.

“You know what I am. You know better than most the things I’ve done.”

He was starting to feel light-headed.

“Wanting to kill me… that I could understand, if for no other reason than your duty obligates you to stop the misuse of onmyoujitsu… and who is guiltier than the Sakurazukamori?”

Seishirou leaned in closer – close enough Subaru could feel Seishirou’s breath, warm and teasing, along the shell of his ear.

“But you…”

His field of vision narrowed alarmingly to the sharp contrast of Seishirou’s eyes: black and amber against solid white, but still just as empty.

“I’ve given you so many reasons to want me dead. Our Bet…” The grip around his neck loosened at that. “You had your year and you lost… so I broke you – simply because I saw no reason not to… I would have killed you…”

The ache in his chest wasn’t his lungs desperate for air – it was his heart.

“Your grandmother is crippled because she tried to save you from me.”

Seishirou could just as easily have been reciting a grocery list.

“And let’s not forget…” Seishirou’s smile was serene. “I killed Hokuto–chan.”

 

_All he could see was blood._

_Her blood._

_Even at the bottom of his heart, he knew._

 

Grief and animal rage made him kick and claw.

Seishirou dodged his ofuda, but not his feet. A solid blow to Seishirou’s shins gave him enough room to throw his full weight at Seishirou. His coffee table buckled under their combined weight, sending them crashing through to the floor. His teeth clattered from the impact, but his hands frantically scrabbled for purchase. Seishirou had taken the brunt of the fall, but he couldn’t count on that to faze the assassin for very long.

Seishirou’s neck was warm and solid and too big for his hands to wrap around all the way.

Looking down at Seishirou’s face, Subaru could only see faint surprise.

Something within him broke… some tension that had allowed him to stand up under the weight of his despair and continue on without the two people in the world most precious to him.

Tears welled in his eyes.

It was the same as before…

 

_“If I considered you as a person dear to my heart… if I could differentiate you from an object…”_

 

Seishirou’s hand cupped his cheek, but for all the gentleness in the gesture, his face held no emotion.

It wasn’t _fair…_ to have his Wish granted just to have it snatched away the next instant… and then to live only to have the truth reaffirmed so cruelly. He couldn’t touch this man… couldn’t affect him in any way that mattered, certainly not as profoundly as Seishirou was able to affect him… not even now, with Seishirou’s pulse thrumming steadily in his hands…

“ _Bastard…_ ” Guilt constricted his throat. His hands were shaking. “ _I loved you._ ”

Seishirou didn’t look surprised.

Of course not. Why should he think otherwise? Kamui had already unwittingly given that secret away this morning and he couldn’t possibly expect it to be the same revelation to a man like Seishirou that it had been for him all those years ago…

Seishirou’s fingers threaded gently… so gently… through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Love?” Seishirou scoffed and then with one hand curled around his neck and his bandaged hand in the middle of Subaru’s back, he _pulled_.

Subaru landed on top of Seishirou with an involuntary gasp.

A long moment of mute, slack-jawed surprise passed before he realized – Seishirou was _kissing_ him.

Seishirou’s lips were on him with blistering ferocity; he tested and teased until the hard line of his own lips – still frozen in shock – softened and parted… pursued him relentlessly when the rough, wet tongue that slipped between his lips made him jump…

/Did people really _do_ that?/

He felt that caress – that _heat_ – all over his body. It was all at once thrilling and terrifying and it wasn’t until he heard a pleased murmur from Seishirou that he realized he was kissing back _._

_Why?_

If this meant nothing, then why was Seishirou doing this?

And why couldn’t he stop himself from wanting it?

The tight press of their bodies shifted… made warmth coil low in his belly… Seishirou’s thigh rubbed at the nascent arousal between his legs.

He pulled away with an anguished cry and frantically scrambled backwards, stopping only when his back collided with an armchair.

“Love?” Seishirou sat up calmly in the middle of his splintered table and wiped his mouth with the back of a sleeve. “What do you know about love? You fell in love with a lie and you couldn’t even admit it to yourself before it was over.”

“I was going to tell you!” The words tore out of him in a scream.

His anger crumbled under Seishirou’s surprised stare.

_‘Could it be… after all this time… did you really not know?’_

The words fell out of him in a jumble.

“I was going to tell you… that day in the hospital… but I never got the chance...

He drew his knees up to his chest and laughed bitterly.

“When you told me what you really were, what you’ve done… I loved you even then. After you killed Hokuto-chan and vanished from my life, I wanted to kill the memory of you that lived in my heart. I thought that if I erased your existence from within me, I could go on and live my life. But I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t forget you and I couldn’t stop loving you, so… even though I meant less to you than the dust under your feet, even though I mattered less to you than a twig you broke in passing, if nothing more… I wanted you to be the one to end my life. Even if you were to forget me the moment after you killed me, even if I were just one more of the countless sacrifices to the cherry blossom tree. At least for that moment, I would mean something to you – I wouldn’t be _nothing_ to you.”

Seishirou laughed – darkly and at length. Then he picked himself off the floor.

“ _Nothing?_ ”

Subaru scrambled to his feet and tried to back away, but an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him flush against the solid wall of Seishirou’s body. “You’re still so adorable, Subaru-kun.”

Seishirou placed his bandaged hand over Subaru’s heart. “Is this what you wanted?”

_He hadn’t been there of course and there was no body for his family to bury after, but he knew the exact moment when her heart was torn in half._

 

“Did you know…?” Seishirou began conversationally. “I can’t kill you the way I did your dear older sister? Not now. Not ever. Before Hokuto-chan died, she cast a spell on me… If I were ever to try and kill you in the same way that I killed her, then the spell would turn that strike back against me.”

His body broke out in a cold sweat.

The low buzz of memory in the back of his brain…

_‘That day on the bridge, why were you smiling?’_

“But that would mean… _you_ would have died. Why… why would a person like you…?”

“Want to die? We were all dying Subaru-kun. I was simply choosing the circumstances.” Seishirou guided Subaru’s hand flat over his own heart. “I chose you. You should be honored – not just anyone can kill the Sakurazukamori.”

“Why…” His voice sounded so small. “Why me?”

Careless little shrug.

Matter-of-fact chuckle.

“Why not?”

With a sigh, Seishirou drew Subaru’s forehead down to rest on a broad shoulder and nuzzled his hair with his cheek.

“In my life, I haven’t met anyone who could defeat me, no one worthy to end my life…” Seishirou’s hands caressed him aimlessly; his touch was possessive, achingly tender, and against all reason, made him _hard._ “But you… you were the perfect weapon – the most exquisite blade ever crafted… and by my own hands… Only you’ve never had it in you to kill. Your heart is too kind for that, so I had to force your hand – so to speak.”

His stomach lurched violently.

“No… I wouldn’t… I could never…”

_/Kill you/_

His heart trip-hammered erratically in his chest.

_/Is that what it would feel like? Is that what Seishirou would feel when he…/_

He viciously quashed the rest of that thought. It didn’t make any sense. Hokuto-chan knew he loved Seishirou, even before he knew it himself – why would she do something like this?

He struggled fitfully, but the more he pushed, the tighter Seishirou’s grip on him became. Seishirou wasn’t giving him any room – not to break free… not to think… not even to breathe. The uncomfortable heat pooled in his groin brushed against a matching hardness… Pleasure – white-hot and all-consuming – made him close his eyes and moan.

“Don’t mistake this for love, Subaru-kun.” Seishirou’s voice was level, but he was certain he detected some strain of effort on Seishirou’s part. There was no denying his own arousal or Seishirou’s, but the usual hard, predatory glint of Seishirou’s eyes was darkened with something more elusive than pure lust.

“Then what is this? _What am I to you?_ ” It came out as a ragged sob. What hope could he ever have of making Seishirou _see_ him when he had no idea, even now, what drove this man?

With a leer, Seishirou rubbed his length against Subaru... watched with rapt attention while drawing out the motion deliberately – _tortuously_ – slowly… and then left him…

_/Why?/_

Why was it so easy for Seishirou to make him feel – to make him _want_ so badly when he wouldn’t – no, _couldn’t_ – give anything back in return?

He didn’t know what answer to expect, but it wasn’t the husky purr of Seishirou’s voice asking, “Would you like to find out?”

There was something in the way Seishirou held his body – poised and aloft as he leaned into Subaru – something that was expectant… waiting… _wanting…_

_Oh._

Of course.

Like a single streak of lightning cutting through the darkness of a storm, he saw the shape of that unknown _other_ with perfect clarity… it was a pale reflection of what Subaru often saw in himself – but there was no mistaking that look… of a Wish unfulfilled.

_‘All this time, I should have seen it. No one can live free from want – not even you. Even if you didn’t know what it was you were looking for… even if you didn’t realize you were looking… you have been… for a long time – longer than I have… Isn’t that right, Seishirou–san?’_

His hand traced the line of Seishirou’s jaw. How could a man as certain in his purpose as Seishirou be as lost as he always felt?

_‘I just wanted you to see me, but I’ve been blind – selfish even – because in all that time, I didn’t see you either. Not you. Not_ your _Wish.’_

Seishirou turned into the hesitant touch with a wicked smile, took one of Subaru’s fingers between his lips and… _sucked._ Rolling, liquid heat travelled along his spine and converged with the pleasure-pain of his rigid sex. He could so easily lose himself to that fire… he _wanted_ to – desperately… but the glimmer of that half-formed thought persisted.

_‘What have you been looking for all this time, Seishirou-san?’_

His own heart, which had yearned so long for just one thing, suddenly swelled with another wish… could such a thing be possible – to be the answer to that deeper, unrealized Wish of Seishirou’s? Was it just madness?

_‘No… no. You came here, Seishirou-san._ You _came to_ me… _because you want something too. Maybe I’m deluding myself thinking it’s something that only I can give… but even if I am, it gives me hope…’_

He withdrew his finger from Seishirou’s lips and tilted his head up to look him squarely in the eyes.

What would he have to do – what would he have to _give_ … for the sake of fulfilling Seishirou’s Wish? And maybe, would enable him to fulfill his own Wish? Could he blindly give all of himself to this man, who had already taken so much from him, on what very well could be an impossible hope?

His heart leapt in answer as he closed the little distance that remained between them; there was only one answer he could give.

“ _Yes_.”

 

*

 

He woke with a groan to the shrill ‘ _piii!_ ’ his pager.

Eyelids heavy with sleep, he flailed an arm blindly in the direction of the sound. Why did he have to fall asleep with the thing next to his bed?

His hand landed on a surprisingly solid warmth.

He was awake in an instant.

His hand was on Seishirou’s thigh – he jerked it away as if burned.

Seishirou was sitting up next to him on the narrow bed and holding the pager that had woken him. “Subaru-kun, have you been getting enough sleep? That’s the second page you missed.”

_Second?_

Alarmed, Subaru sat up and reached for the pager, but Seishirou carelessly threw it over his shoulder. He stared disbelieving as it bounced across the floor with a clatter.

“Seishirou-san!”

Seishirou ignored his protest and turned toward the pack of Mild Seven’s and lighter on the end table.

While the other man was distracted, Subaru quickly scanned the room. His shirt was not among the jagged line of clothing – his and Seishirou’s – that was strewn all the way out the open door of his bedroom. His underwear at least was near the foot of the bed. If he was quick…

With a lit cigarette in hand, Seishirou returned his full attention back to Subaru.

_/Too late./_

“That could be important.” He managed to sound scolding despite his rising blush.

“Oh? Then what’s stopping you?” Seishirou settled against the headboard, openly leering. His eyes followed the spreading blush along Subaru’s body where the sheets had fallen and puddled in his lap. Seishirou only laughed when he tried to cover himself, “It’s a little late for bashfulness – don’t you think?”

He gave up and retreated back under the covers.

Seishirou relented, offering him the cigarette. “You’re too tense, Subaru-kun.”

He breathed in several drags of smoke while Seishirou relocated the ashtray onto the bed between them.

“Thank you.” He eyed Seishirou’s bandaged hand as he passed the cigarette back. “Should you be smoking?”

“Always so kind, Subaru-kun…” Seishirou chuckled quietly, tapping at the ash. “It hasn’t affected anything.”

Subaru couldn’t even begin to imagine what Seishirou was thinking at that moment. The older onmyouji was oblivious to the sidelong glances cast in his direction as they passed the cigarette back and forth between them. When there was nothing left but the cherry, he ground the last ember into the ashtray and turned to set it safely away on the end table.

Seishirou was propped up on an elbow as he settled back onto the bed, his stare unwavering. “This doesn’t change anything. I don’t love you. I doubt I can.”

“I know.”

He eased closer – slowly – so as not to startle the man, who only watched him warily.

_‘It doesn’t make any sense to you, does it? People who love want their love returned. Even you would understand it in terms of simple reciprocation. Because I love you, your words should hurt me. But instead it’s my love for you that makes me strong… strong enough to withstand all the ways you hurt me.’_

He gently cupped Seishirou’s cheek with his hand.

“I _know_ … but it doesn’t change how I feel… I love you.”

It felt good to be able to say those words out loud.

‘ _I gave you my heart a long time ago. I love you and knowing that you know – you’ve given me a freedom I’ve never had. To no longer have to deny the truth of my own heart, to be able to embrace that love, I can accept whatever will come of this.’_

He didn’t resist as Seishirou crawled over him and trapped him with his hands and knees.

“Seishirou-san… what do you want?”

Seishirou lay his body down on top of Subaru’s. The sheet separating them did nothing to hide his renewed arousal. “Isn’t it obvious?”

It wasn’t until later, without the distraction of Seishirou’s hands and mouth on his skin, that Subaru realized Seishirou hadn’t actually answered the question.

 

*

 

He woke up alone the following morning. His certainty from the previous night melted away with the shadows of the brightening sky. For a brief moment, suspended between wakefulness and sleep, he wondered if it had been a strangely vivid dream after all… The sharp lancing pain that shot up his spine when he sat up effectively silenced that thought.

There was blood on the sheets and a mess in the other room. He would need to get his apartment back into some semblance of order before he could leave.

He gingerly made his way over to the closet, pulled on a bathrobe, and retrieved his pager. Two missed pages from the day before: one from the family estate in Kyoto and another from a number he didn’t recognize but had a Kyoto area code. A lifetime of being driven by duty made him feel guilty for not calling back right away. He reasoned if it was truly urgent, someone would certainly have called again – even in the dead of night – or, at the very least, left a message.

He stripped the bedding, gathered his scattered clothes from the floor, and deposited them in the washer before making his way to the bathroom. He felt disconnected – removed from himself as he went through the motions of his morning routine – as if the events of the previous year had happened to someone else, and then there was last night…

He lingered longer in the shower than he was usually inclined; the warm spray soothed the various aches of his body. Seishirou had been as patient and gentle as he had been in the past – showing him the ways of pleasure and letting him work out those paths along Seishirou’s body… still there were _marks._ Seishirou had meticulously retraced the bruises he had left from their earlier fight and deepened them further. He hadn’t been cruel about it – just another mark of ownership, like the stars on the back of his hands. It was oddly comforting to have a solid reminder – to still be able to _feel_ Seishirou so closely, but he thought as he dressed that he was glad these particular marks would be easy to hide when he went back home.

The washer buzzed while he was packing; he went to transfer the damp linens to the dryer. With nothing left to do but wait, he put water on to boil for tea and looked around to catalog the damages. His ofuda had gone in deep, but not all the way through the back of the chair. Once removed, there was only a single crack on the surface of the wood. His coffee table, on the other hand, couldn’t be salvaged – he would have to replace that eventually. The spell that had sealed his door was gone. It seemed he was free to go.

He took a shuddering breath.

If Seishirou wanted something from him, he wouldn’t give Subaru a way out – would he?

The phone rang back in his bedroom. The sound made his heart fall.

“Subaru-san. It’s Junichi. I don’t know if you’re there. The staff at Imonoyama’s mansion said you had gone back to your apartment. If you’re there, please call back.”

He set his teacup down on the counter, made his way back to his bedroom, and reluctantly picked up the phone’s handset.

What choice did he have? He had already put this off too long already. His family had been expecting him; by now, they would be worrying.

But what would happen if he left now? How long would it be before he got another chance like this?

The phone was plucked from his fingers. He reeled and came face to face with Seishirou.

“Subaru-kun, you’ve forgotten to eat again, haven’t you?” Seishirou set the phone on its cradle and with a hand on Subaru’s hip, led him firmly toward the door. “I’ve brought lunch.”

He was too dumbfounded to resist as Seishirou urged him to take a seat at the counter and piled food onto a plate in front of him.

How long had it been since he last ate? He was starving.

They cleaned off their plates in silence.

“Please… let me.” He murmured absently while reaching for the dishes and take-out boxes. There was an unexpected weight in the plastic shopping bag.

“Seishirou-san. You forgot something.”

He puzzled over the object in his hand – a cold, plastic tube – and almost dropped it when he read the label.

Seishirou’s hand closed around his.

He hadn’t even heard the man get up.

He caught a brief glimpse of the hungry look on Seishirou’s face before the other man’s lips descended and stole the words from his.

 

*

 

Seishirou wasn’t interested in talking. He also wasn’t interested in sleeping. He was, however, very interested in mapping the contours of Subaru’s body with his mouth. The touch was mercilessly unrelenting along sensitized nerves, even as he lay exhausted on his back – panting and writhing bonelessly.

The phone rang just as Seishirou discovered a ticklish spot below his ribs.

Guilt momentarily overwhelmed desire when the call was picked up by the answering machine.

“Subaru-san. It’s Junichi…”

His voice sounded strangely far away and when he turned to look at the phone, he realized why… his sweater had been thrown over it earlier.

“Please call back when you get this. It’s _really_ important.”

Sharp pinch of teeth near his navel.

A warning.

“Who was that?”

“A cousin. He… helps me with work.”

Seishirou lavished the bite with his lips and tongue; it was probably meant to be soothing, but it only made him moan and arch helplessly into the kiss. He stared transfixed as Seishirou took hold of his hips, pressed him firmly into the mattress, and slid further down his body. All other imperatives vanished at the sight of Seishirou’s lips closing around the head of his shaft.

 

*

 

Seishirou was asleep at his back; the possessive arm he had draped around Subaru’s waist stiffened when the phone rang.

“Subaru-san. This is your aunt. I was hoping you wouldn’t have to get this news from your answering machine…”

He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until the muffled sound of her sigh was answered by a deeper echo behind him.

He wasn’t the only one awake.

_/Not yet… please… I need more time…/_

“Heaven knows you deserve a break, but this can’t wait much longer. My mother – your grandmother – was taken to the hospital yesterday morning. Pneumonia. The doctors have done everything they can to treat the infection, but she’s not doing well. I know you’ve been through a lot this year and I would give anything to spare you more pain, but you are still the head of this family. Decisions will have to be made soon. It’s time for you to come home. We’ll be waiting for you.”

Like a marionette being dragged inexpertly along by tangled strings, he climbed out of bed and dressed. He could feel Seishirou’s gaze fixed on his back willing him to respond, but he couldn’t risk turning around to meet his eyes because he didn’t know what explanation he could offer that would make the man understand.

_/I want to stay. I want it so badly it tears me apart inside to leave, but my family needs me… and I can’t choose between you and them… Seishirou-san… please… don’t make me…/_

“I have to go.” It took all his willpower to get the words out.

He couldn’t decide if he was relieved he made it out the door without Seishirou trying to stop him.

 

*

He couldn’t sleep.

Dinner had been torturous – having to sit still and act normal when all he could think about was the sight of Seishirou’s shikigami overhead… knowing it was Seishirou’s eyes looking back at him…

Despite the Sumeragi family estate being hours away from the capital and the obsessively constructed wards that safeguarded it, he suspected Seishirou had been able to watch him all along… but not knowing how to bridge the gap that had fallen between them – that he himself had created by walking away, he hadn’t dared step foot back in his Tokyo apartment – not even during those few cases that had taken him back to the city.

Nearly two months of this and it seemed Seishirou was no longer willing to wait.

He traced the star on his hand in wonder. He could still feel that phantom kiss… not just on his hand, but all over his body.

He shivered with anticipation.

Teasing Seishirou as he had with that kiss – it was utterly reckless with his family so close. Surely it would bring down on all of them not just the Sakurazukamori, but also the confrontation he had been trying so hard to avoid all this time.

But inaction had its own perils _._

_‘Seishirou-san… You said you wanted to find out if you could love me… you were always there for me – always kind… and I know now that that was a lie… but looking back, can I really say I did any better? In all that time, I wasn’t completely honest with you either… I never gave you anything real to hold onto…_

_‘It sounds strange, doesn’t it?_

_‘But it’s true._

_‘I was always so eager to give all of myself to others… Hokuto-chan often scolded me for it. A “pro” knew he had to hold back – that he couldn’t give all of himself every time because there would always be a next time – another person that would need him… still I let myself be pulled every which way – by duty, by family, by perfect strangers…_ everyone _… except you._

_‘When it came to you… even though I had all of your time and all of your attention… I hid… I ran away… I did everything I could to avoid facing what was in my heart… I still cringe when I think about it – that day in the hospital. Why did you have to lose your eye protecting me to finally make me see much I loved you?_

_‘Hokuto-chan, of course, knew it from the first time I mentioned your name. She always said she had a power that I didn’t have – the power to understand the hearts of others – and she was right about so many things… my feelings for you… how empty I was inside before I met you… but even knowing these things, she didn’t understand them – not completely… how could she, when she was so full of life herself, understand being so empty inside that being alive was no different from death?_

_‘But you understand, don’t you Seishirou-san?_

_‘Why else would you trigger a spell that you knew would kill you?_

_‘It’s selfish of me – you were hurt again because of me – but I’m glad you didn’t succeed… that neither of us got what we wanted that day on Rainbow Bridge, because if either one of us had, we wouldn’t be here now in this future._

_‘It’s not enough though… just to have more time. To finally find what we’ve both been looking for, we can’t continue on as we have._

_‘Living for the sake of my Wish only brought sadness to those around me, but living for the sake of yours… it won’t be easy… but I think if I can find a way, we could both be happy… and I think I know how to start…_

_‘So come for me, Seishirou-san… I’m ready now.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strangely, within the actual canon, I always thought Seishirou had substantially more of a clue in regards to Subaru by 1999 – definitely after Fuuma pokes out Subaru’s eye, but that event doesn’t happen in this. I also thought after they met up again in ’99 that there was a lot of angry hate sex before the end – I went to write this and that somehow didn’t happen either.
> 
> Apologies for punctuation abuse, taking a step backwards in time from the prologue, for repeating the non-linear timeline jumping format of the prologue (it’s linear from here on out), and the lack of an actual resolution for the events of X. I wanted to provide some closure to canon (clearly with my own modifications), which will hopefully make future story events plausible. I filled an entire notebook over 11.5 months to hammer this chapter out to my own satisfaction and I hated every minute of it. (I see soul-crushing misery on a daily basis with my job – I don’t want it in my escapist fantasies.)
> 
> So take it or leave it. (Feedback always appreciated.)
> 
> Next stop: Kyoto.


	3. Kyoto

 

The wards of the Sumeragi family estate were meticulously crafted: layers of protection and alarm, with identification spells coupled to some particularly vicious attack spells nestled randomly in between. There was, however, an academic quality to their execution; it was as if the practitioner who had cast the spells had only ever studied them in books and had never used them against a real, living opponent before.

He could have ripped them all to shreds with no effort at all.

Such amateur work couldn’t possibly be Subaru’s doing. Perhaps it was that boy – the one who had spotted his shikigami in the garden earlier…

Unravelling holes large enough to slip through without setting off any alarms was a simple, if slightly tedious matter. Once inside, he quickly dismissed the mystery of the spell caster’s identity – he or she was no threat to him. Besides, a far more intriguing mystery awaited him.

Subaru was easy enough to track within the mansion walls where the wards were sparser. He almost made it all the way into Subaru’s bedroom unimpeded, but a subtle resonance at the door made him pause.

Back when he was still a veterinarian, a small kitten – little more than a ball of gray fluff – once claimed his chair during afternoon tea with the Sumeragi twins. On sensing Seishirou’s approach, it leapt down from its perch and proceeded to walk a series of loops around his ankles, purring contentedly as it rubbed against his trouser legs. Its’ green eyes peered up at him – deeply scrutinizing. Following an interlude of snickering from Hokuto and gentle coaxing from Subaru, it eventually slinked away toward Subaru’s outstretched hands and the promise of treats.

Curiously, he felt the same sensation now – the same level gaze followed by an easing of tension. The door readily slid open at his hands and closed again with the faintest swish of air.

Permission granted.

_‘How forward of you Subaru-kun_ _.’_

Even without the flames he summoned to light the candles scattered throughout the room, his eyes were immediately drawn to the white silk of Subaru’s kimono in the middle of the room. He crept toward the futon where Subaru lay, socked feet padded silently across the tatami floor, and cupped Subaru’s cheek with a gloved hand. Subaru turned into that touch – still soundly asleep and blissfully unaware of the dark intentions that circled him.

Time for that to change.

He covered Subaru’s mouth with his hand, settled his weight on top of Subaru’s body, and watched with satisfaction as Subaru’s eyes flew open.

“Happy birthday, Subaru-kun. You’ll have to forgive I missed the day itself – I had some business to attend to.”

Outrage swirled in those too expressive green eyes. Subaru’s reply – whatever it was – was muffled by the leather of his glove. Subaru’s attempts to push him away were thwarted by his restrictive garment. It was remarkably satisfying to replace his hand over Subaru’s mouth with his own lips and further crush the protest from the younger man’s lips.

Subaru fought him even in that – meeting his lips with a bruising force to match his own and parrying his probing tongue with the sharp nip of teeth.

Stinging pain, then liquid warmth, blossomed suddenly on his bottom lip. He jerked his head back reflexively.

“You can’t be here.”

Subaru took advantage of the opening and pushed at Seishirou with enough force to flip them both over. He ended up flat his back but an arm around Subaru’s waist prevented his escape; Subaru wasn’t going to get away from him that easily.

He ran his tongue over his lip, felt the break in the skin, and tasted blood – his own blood.

_‘You’re just full of surprises today, Subaru-kun. I’m going to enjoy this.’_

Subaru’s tone had been scolding, but when he shifted his weight, he felt the first stirrings of arousal push back against his belly.

“Oh? But I am…” He smiled as he ground his thigh up between Subaru’s legs and was gratified to hear a desperately stifled moan come from Subaru, “…and unless you want to attract an audience, you’re going to have to be very quiet.”

It was a promise and a challenge. He knew Subaru understood this when their lips met once again with the same ferocity as before. Their hands groped blindly in the meager space between their bodies – fumbling with clothing fastenings and clashing at cross purposes against each other. He was only able to unhook the haori-himo holding Subaru’s haori closed, but Subaru was more successful and managed to free the narrow end of his tie from its knot and pulled the length of fabric from his neck. His collar was chafing him though…

He broke the kiss himself to undo the buttons at his throat.

Subaru looked appropriately dazed. With a smirk, he pulled Subaru down and whispered breathily against his ear, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“ _Avoiding you?_ ” Subaru recoiled from the accusation; the movement opened a space for Seishirou’s hands to attack the intricate series of loops and knots at his slender waist.

“I don’t have your address or your phone number, and unlike you, I can’t find you whenever I want – I only tried for nine years.”

He yanked roughly at the ties holding Subaru’s hakama together; the fabric fell limply between them.

“Then why are you here?”

“You know why. My grandmother –”

Subaru yelped at the hands that slipped beneath the koshi-ita and groped his rear.

 “Has made a remarkable recovery for a woman of her age from her recent hospitalization from pneumonia. Well enough for you to resume your work. Isn’t that right?”

The obi, by comparison, was straightforward to unwind. Waves of falling silk parted and revealed a white cotton undershirt. It was practical, but not exactly pleasing aesthetically. He roughly shoved the offending material aside, at last exposing a stretch of pale, delectably quivering skin.

Subaru pulled away with a gasp. “Your gloves are cold.”

He rolled the younger man to the floor beneath him and pinned him over rumpled silk.

As an attempt to change the subject, it was utterly transparent. He could have pressed the matter some more, but he was feeling magnanimous and let the matter drop – he had made his point and Subaru was looking suitably chastised… besides Subaru’s fingers were tugging insistently at his gloves.

Subaru tossed the leather aside with a small, pleased grin.

He splayed his fingers across Subaru’s belly as far as they could stretch and watched Subaru take a shuddering breath. “Better?”

“ _Yes._ ”

Subaru came alive under his touch. His hands were everywhere: they pulled him down for a bruising kiss, combed through his hair, and clawed at the buttons on the cuffs of his sleeves and then down the middle of his shirt.

He allowed it for a time, marveling at how different this was from the first time he had allowed Subaru to touch him like this. That time, his touch had been light and hesitant – uncertainty projected in his every movement… but now Subaru was impatiently pulling his shirt from his pants and grinding his hips – and a very obvious erection – frantically against Seishirou’s.

He stifled a groan, as much in frustration as pleasure. In his eagerness and relative inexperience, Subaru might have been content with such a crude manner of attaining release, but there were too many layers of clothing between them for what he wanted.

A confused frown wrinkled Subaru’s brow when he sat back in order to remove his own trench coat and suit jacket. Subaru froze and averted his gaze – as if he was only now realizing what his body had been doing.

He pulled Subaru up into a sitting position, made only slightly awkward from Seishirou’s weight and the voluminous fabrics resting on his legs.  

He guided Subaru’s hands to the open front of his shirt and waited for the feather light touches that crept beneath the fabric to trace the muscles of his abdomen, up along his ribs…

He impatiently shrugged off his shirt.

Subaru’s breath caught.

He drew Subaru’s mouth to his and bit down sharply on his upper lip. “Your turn, Subaru-kun.”

An embarrassed blush colored the younger man’s cheeks, but he was already removing his haori. He was slower to relinquish the cover provided by his kimono and its underlying nagajuban. There was nothing deliberately provocative about the way he moved – this was _Subaru_ after all – but there was still an inherent thrill in watching Subaru undress… to have Subaru willingly lay himself bare and offer his body for Seishirou’s pleasure… It was a heady feeling and like a starving man suddenly seated at a feast, he was ravenous to get his fill, but first, the white cotton t-shirt really had to go. He grabbed the bunched up hem, tugged it up past Subaru’s raised, unresisting arms, and sent it flying to some far, dark corner of the room.

Pressed mouth to mouth and skin to skin, he coaxed Subaru onto his back and spread the lush silks of the kimono around him.

They were both breathing hard when he broke away and descended along Subaru’s chest to the hard nubs of his nipples. He tortured them with his lips and teeth until Subaru was biting the knuckle of one hand to keep silent.

Subaru’s legs kicked fitfully under the remainder of his clothes.

He knew how to take a hint. He continued his descent along Subaru’s body; separating layers of overlapping silk and peeling away the front pleats of the hakama from his legs all the way down past his ankles, peppering the sensitive skin of Subaru’s inner thigh with light, teasing kisses along the way. Subaru’s toes curled as he slipped the tabi from his feet.

He sat back, tamping down on the demands made by his own body, to take in the sight before him: Subaru’s pale, lithe form exposed and kissed by candlelight… writhing against rumpled white silk, shock of dark hair falling around his face in a messy halo that drew his gaze to Subaru’s green eyes darkened by lust and wanton with desire.

Almost perfect…

He hooked a finger into the elastic waistband at Subaru’s waist. “Boxers, Subaru-kun? Hardly traditional.”

Subaru’s shaft sprang free from its cloth confines, erect and weeping at the tip.

He lowered himself on top of Subaru’s naked body and ravished the younger man’s mouth. Fingers fumbled clumsily at his belt buckle and the fly of his pants. Two pairs of hands pushed impatiently at the last articles of clothing that separated them. He kicked them away with finality; a metallic clink dimly registered over the sound of Subaru panting breathlessly.

“Please, Seishirou-san… _please…_ ”

Subaru opened for him; spreading his legs and running a foot along the back of his calf...

He had to bite back a moan of his own at the near obscenity of the gesture. This from the same boy who had once frozen in terror at the jokingly offered question ‘am I sexy?’

He ran his fingers teasingly down the length of Subaru’s shaft, fondled the swollen sacs beneath, and firmly pressed into yielding flesh.

Subaru was _tight_ ; his entire body tensed, and then forced himself visibly to relax.

A strangled sob escaped from Subaru’s lips as he began to move his fingers, making twisting and scissoring motions while probing deeper… searching…

“ _Seishirou-san!_ ”

He hit that spot again and again, wringing increasingly loud and desperate pleas from Subaru’s lips that were more sound than language. Subaru didn’t need words – his eyes begged eloquently enough without them. Satisfied, he took hold of his own erection, positioned himself between Subaru’s legs, and entered him in one swift thrust.

He crushed Subaru’s lips to his and swallowed Subaru’s scream. Fun as this game of eliciting sounds from Subaru was and as amusing as it would be to test his power against the combined power of the Sumeragi clan, silence was critical for the continuation of their little tryst. Subaru must have understood this too, because he kissed back just as fiercely. Blunt fingernails raked at his back and shoulders – whether it was because of pleasure or pain, Seishirou couldn’t say.

The urgency of his own long denied need spurred him to move faster with every thrust. He reached between their bodies – slick with sweat – and firmly, steadily stroked his prey toward completion.

Subaru trembled when he came; his body clenched tightly around him. It was almost enough to bring him over the edge himself, but first… he angled Subaru’s hips for a deeper penetration and plunged into the pliant body beneath him.

_‘Remember this, Subaru-kun. Remember how deep I am inside you and know that you’ll never be free from me.’_

Subaru moved lethargically. Glazed eyes opened blearily. Arms draped around his neck, drawing his lips down for tender kisses. Subaru crossed his legs over his back, the extra leverage let him lift his hips to meet Seishirou’s thrusts.

He growled into Subaru’s ear, “You’re mine, Subaru-kun… _Mine_.”

His pace quickened as he slammed into Subaru; his mind and body ablaze with a fierce desire…

To take.

To punish.

To mark once more as his.

He was so focused on the electrifyingly constrictive heat of Subaru’s body that he almost missed the words that punctuated Subaru’s quiet gasps.

It was just one word – repeated over and over like a mantra…

Like a prayer…

_“Yes… yes…”_

The last of his control shattered and he broke with it.

Pleasure swept through him; sent him soaring breathless to the height of ecstasy, and then left him to plummet – shuddering and utterly spent.

As the last of it faded, he was tempted to drift… to let the steady rise and fall of Subaru’s chest lull him, but the prickle of rapidly cooling sweat on his skin and the sticky wetness clinging to his stomach was, he decided, too uncomfortable to allow for the possibility of sleep.

Fortunately, one of the perks Subaru enjoyed as head of his clan was having a bedroom with a private, en suite bathroom. He cleansed himself with a damp washcloth – noting scratch marks on his left shoulder and burning stings that continued down his back.

To be marked by his own prey…

He met his reflection in the mirror with a wry grin.

They were just scratches. They would fade. It was foolish to ascribe more meaning to them than they merited; Subaru couldn’t touch him – could never truly affect him in any profound or meaningful way like he had when he marked Subaru all those years ago under the cherry blossom tree.

He found a small wash basin, filled it halfway with water in the sink, and carried it out into the bedroom.

“Subaru-kun…” Subaru jumped at the touch of the damp cloth against his skin, “That is no way to treat such a fine garment. Hokuto-chan would be appalled.”

A pained look flashed across Subaru’s eyes, which he quickly hid by turning his face away and closing his eyes. He submitted wordlessly to being bathed and only protested weakly at being manhandled under the futon covers.

He noted the state of the kimono with smug satisfaction – _how exactly would Subaru explain that in the morning?_ – and then tossed it aside to begin the search for his own scattered clothing.

Subaru caught him by the wrist. “Stay the night.”

A long moment of silence passed before he realized Subaru was only backing away in order to make room for him. Inexplicably, he found himself being drawn into the inviting circle of Subaru’s arms. Subaru even dared to drape an arm across his chest.

Deeply ingrained instincts flared with warning.

“Will I see you in the morning?”

_/Danger/_

“That isn’t a very good idea.”

Subaru bobbed his head in understanding and quietly settled at his side. Slowly, his breathing evened out and his body went slack as he descended into sleep.

_‘Subaru-kun... you could be so dangerous to me… not a physical threat – no, never that. You may be my equal in power, but you love me too much to ever really be capable of hurting me. Isn’t that right?’_

Oblivious, Subaru nestled closer to him with a content little sigh.

_‘But that flaw of your will doesn’t make you any less of a threat, your existence alone is enough.’_

He brushed back the bangs that had fallen over Subaru’s face. His fingers traced the curve of a sharp cheekbone, the defined line of jaw… Subaru had hardened in the years since they concluded their Bet; even in sleep, he lacked the softness of his boyhood self.

_‘I should have given you to the Sakura the first moment you wandered onto my kill – certainly after you saw me… the rules of the Sakurazukamori are very clear on this, so why didn’t I? I was so young myself back then… I’m still not sure why I allowed myself to be swayed by the idea that your innocence and your purity could have changed me in any fundamental way, or why I entertained that idea the way I did for as long as I did. I simply don’t possess the capacity to love – it is, and always was, a part of who and what I am… I knew this even then; I didn’t need to make a bet with you to prove it. Why then do I let you live? And why do I continue to take such stupid risks just to keep you by my side?’_

This debate was inane. It was long past time he settled this, once and for all… if he killed Subaru now, he could be out of Kyoto before the Sumeragi family found the body in the morning. He wouldn’t even need his magic; asleep and as naively trusting as ever, Subaru left himself defenseless – all he would need was a pillow.

But with the promise of the Final Day broken, he had all the time in the world now… one day… one hundred days… the idea of living – of facing an endless undetermined future with some distant unknowable end… surrounded by nothing but faceless, nameless people indistinguishable from objects was, if he was being truly honest with himself, a daunting prospect which left him feeling strangely unsettled.

He closed his eyes and breathed in Subaru’s familiar, clean scent.

_‘But then there’s you… I suppose if I have to continue to exist in this world that it’s fortunate you survived too… as long as I’m vigilant, I think I can allow myself a little recklessness… to be able to meet you like this… to be able to have you like this… it’s not love, but at least I won’t be completely bored...’_

 

*

 

Subaru woke the next morning to the twittering of nearby songbirds. Even in the pre-dawn light, he could make out a smile on Subaru’s face.

He extended his cigarette to Subaru, but the young man simply shook his head, offered a mumbled greeting, and settled unobtrusively at his side. He absently stroked Subaru’s hair with his other hand.

They stayed like that for a while until curiosity got the better of him. He crushed the stub out in a nearby ashtray and traced the upward curve of Subaru’s kiss-swollen lips with his fingers. “Why are you smiling?”

“You stayed… I wasn’t sure if you would.”

Subaru’s smile even touched his eyes.

“You surprise me, Subaru-kun…” He waited for Subaru to meet his gaze before he continued, “A birthday party? You of all people should know better than to count the age of the dead.”

Subaru buried his face against Seishirou’s neck, taking unsteady breaths as he began, “My family… after last year, they just wanted to celebrate… because they’re alive…”

Subaru coughed a little to clear his throat.

“…It’s not that we’ve forgotten about her… or that we’ve stopped being sad because she’s no longer with us… it’s just that we can’t – _I_ _can’t_ – let sadness rule my life forever. If I did, there wouldn’t be any room left for happiness.”

_/Happiness?/_

Subaru turned to him quizzically as he withdrew, leaving enough space between them to be able to get a clear look into Subaru’s eyes.

“Subaru-kun…”

The last birthday Subaru had celebrated was his 17th – his and Hokuto’s. Hokuto-chan had, of course, planned the lavish whirlwind celebration down to the last shimmering piece of confetti, which eventually coaxed small, delighted smiles from the more withdrawn twin. The formal gathering of the Sumeragi clan was a downright somber affair by comparison that only further highlighted her absence. That Subaru would concede to such a thing was surprising, in and of itself, but that wasn’t what was really bothering him, was it?

“Subaru-kun... are you happy?”

It was an easy enough question to ask, but he struggled with the concept behind it. How could Subaru face the memory of his sister’s life – and the knowledge of her death – and still talk of happiness?

“ _Yes_.” No hesitation. Subaru’s smile was blinding. “I’m glad you came to my birthday.”

Subaru’s hands inched cautiously towards him in a familiar gesture – like he was approaching a wounded animal that would lash out in its pain and ignorance at any hands reaching for it, even if they meant to help. He refused to acknowledge the strangeness of his reversed role.

Subaru did nothing more than grasp his hand between his own. His _left_ hand – he realized just as Subaru asked, “Does it hurt?”

“No.”

Subaru seemed skeptical.

“Not anymore,” he clarified. The pain had faded weeks ago, but the mention of his injury brought back a familiar twinge. It was more memory than physical sensation and it was immediately forgotten when Subaru ducked his head and drew Seishirou’s hand closer to him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and pressed his lips to the back of his hand.

“Subaru-kun...”

Subaru peppered his hand with soft, trembling kisses.

_‘Blaming yourself for my injury, Subaru-kun? I’m touched but it’s not necessary. I don’t blame you; the fault was entirely my own for focusing on you to the exclusion of everything else around me. I failed to acknowledge Kamui’s presence as I should have and I paid the price for it. I suppose I even owe you a debt of gratitude; if you hadn’t pulled Kamui-kun off of me when you did, I might not have walked away from that encounter at all.’_

He watched with increasing confusion as Subaru kissed his way along each finger, in order, from his thumb to his pinky. It was singularly peculiar behavior coming from someone who knew intimately that hand’s capabilities. He was about to pull his hand away to say so when he realized – _he couldn’t move._

_/Damn/_

What he had attributed to Subaru’s perennial shyness or a misplaced concern for Seishirou’s wellbeing was actually Subaru speaking the words of a spell into his skin.

Subaru must have noticed he had tensed because he started to chant in earnest – no longer caring that Seishirou could hear him.

With no time to decipher the unfamiliar spell and unable to speak the words of a counter-spell, he cursed himself a fool and willed pain through the Sakurazukamori marks on Subaru’s hands.

Subaru’s breath hitched and he winced visibly, but he continued frantically.

_‘It was stupid of me to let you get this close to me, but I won’t lose to you. Not like this.’_

Subaru broke out in a sweat; his strength flagging.

Just a little more…

The moment shattered with a pained cry from Subaru.

Before Subaru could react, he shoved Subaru onto his back, seized a slim wrist with one hand and closed the other around Subaru’s throat. Subaru choked and clawed at his wrist with his free hand; thrumming as he was with tension and no small amount of anger at himself, he felt little more than scratches.

Cautiously, he eased the pressure on Subaru’s neck – he was never going to get answers from Subaru if he had a crushed windpipe – and demanded, “What did you do?”

“Hokuto’s spell…” Subaru gasped raggedly, “I erased it.”

“You… _what_?”

“I erased Hokuto’s spell.”

Erased.

Wiped out – as if it had never existed in the first place.

It was an extreme measure in any circumstance and the implications in this case were stunning.

He watched Subaru’s reaction closely as he released his neck and settled his hand flat over the frantic beat of Subaru’s heart – not even a flinch. “I could kill you. There’s nothing left to stop me.”

“Then do it!” Subaru’s hand clutched at his own, silently encouraging.

He found the placid acceptance distasteful.

“Your sister gave _her life_ to cast that spell. Her dying wish was for you to live.”

“Hokuto knew I loved you before I did. Even after everything you’ve done, I can’t believe that she meant for me to become your killer. I think she wanted us both to live.”

Subaru tried to reach up to cup his face, but he grabbed Subaru’s wrist, slammed it down onto the floor beside his head, and hissed, “You’re a fool.”

“Maybe, but I won’t be the one to kill you. Now you can’t make me.”

Subaru tugged experimentally at his wrists.

He tightened his hold hard enough to make Subaru wince as an unsettling thought began to take root in his mind… _‘Subaru-kun, did you_ plan _this?’_

The look of triumph on Subaru’s face said it all – he had been played. This wasn’t the meek prey he had once hunted so very long ago; this was a cunning young man who understood perfectly well what he had done and was reveling in his success.

_‘Why, Subaru-kun? What can you possibly hope to achieve by leaving yourself completely vulnerable to me?’_

“I love you.” Subaru said it like it explained everything; it was _maddening_. The look in Subaru’s eyes softened – turned melancholy. “Seishirou-san, why don’t you want to live?”

He snickered; he couldn’t help it. “Now what gave you that idea, Subaru-kun?”

He silenced any protest from Subaru with a deep, claiming kiss.

_‘You haven’t changed at all, Subaru-kun… not really. At heart, you’re still the same boy who cried at the thought of corpses suffering under the cherry – still worrying yourself over things that have no meaning… and yet, I’m intrigued in spite of myself. You lured me here, offered me your body to distract from your real intentions, and risked being killed… for what?’_

He pulled away to look at Subaru and saw concern… and a look that he was beginning to recognize as love – an irrational, unwavering, _completely absurd_ love.

_‘Did you think you were somehow saving me from myself? Don’t be silly. I have no intention of dying – not when you present such a delightful puzzle for me to pick apart… and I will. You may have outsmarted me this time, but this is far from over. You belong to me and I won’t settle for anything less than all of you.’_

“Subaru-kun…” He stole one last kiss – nothing more than a quick peck – and breathed into Subaru’s parted lips, “Come back to Tokyo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that ends Act 1 (of 3, in case anyone is wondering).
> 
> It took forever to get this chapter just right (there was a lot of swearing and flailing involved) because this sets up the actual story, which I still haven’t even gotten to yet. X_X;
> 
> Thank you to anyone who has sent kudos or posted a comment. I’ve been busy pursuing a sudden, potentially really amazing career opportunity and I really appreciate the feedback even though I haven’t had the chance to reply back to all of them.
> 
> Apologies (again) for going essentially backwards. It really is linear from here on out.
> 
> Chapters like this make me wish I could draw instead.
> 
> I blame the neck fetish on CLAMP and their Tokyo Babylon era Seishirou/Subaru art.
> 
> I hope the p0rn didn’t come off sounding like a grocery list (over a decade of medical-legal-scientific jargon makes this a huge source of anxiety).
> 
> I’ll be hiding under my desk in case anyone wants to leave a comment on this chapter.


	4. On to Act 2

Not sure how updates work on AO3 for multipart works, but Act 2 is now available:  
[ The Widening Gyre: Illusions ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11281935/chapters/25234599)

**Author's Note:**

> On the off chance there is still interest in this pairing and someone actually reads this:  
> \- I haven’t been an active participant in any fandom in over 10 years and I was never part of the Tokyo Babylon/X fandom when it was still active, so this is being published in its original form without the assistance of a beta reader. Apologies in advance for factual errors, grammar, run-on sentences, spelling, and punctuation abuse.  
> \- I was never satisfied with the direction their story took in X. I wanted a less awful resolution than the one they got. At the same time, I don’t have the patience, or even the time, to reread the entire X manga. For story purposes, you need to know the near-apocalypse of 1999 did still happen in broad strokes in the recent past with a couple of major changes and substantially less wholesale destruction. My apologies again for canonical inconsistencies beyond the plot points that I threw out (because quite frankly, they were too angsty for me).  
> \- Translations are from a combination of the Tokyopop release of Tokyo Babylon, the Viz release of X, and fan translations that I think are no longer available online (feel free to take credit if these are in fact yours).  
> \- I do not want this reposted anywhere outside of archiveofourown.org - It will be easier to erase myself from fandom on the day I wake up and want to crawl under a rock out of sheer embarrassment from putting this out into the world.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated.


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